Aging Well Has Less to Do with Your Body Than You Think - Tanya Leake

0:00 And I will say the other thing that I say when I really wanted

0:03 just be blunt is because of the fact that we're aging from the

0:06 time we're born. If you were anti aging, you're

0:08 pro def because that's the that's the only way you stop

0:10 aging. The best thing to do is to

0:13 actually just enjoy your life. You can spend most of your time

0:17 fighting it. Yeah.

0:19 Just honor the fact that you've come this far.

0:21 You have this wonderful set of experience opening up new genes

0:26 that you have this wisdom that you have a lot of times in the

0:30 in the opportunity space that we have people that we know that

0:34 we've known for years that we can share information with that.

0:40 So in the last episode I talked with Mary Westheimer about aging

0:45 from the point of view. I've been there, I've done this.

0:48 Today I'm exploring more about this topic from more angles with

0:52 my guests. Tanya Lee.

0:55 Tanya is a certified health and Wellness coach, mindset and

0:59 lifestyle facilitator. She's the founder of a company

1:02 called Embody Well. She focuses on research backed

1:06 lifestyle strategies and what she calls an age positive

1:09 approach, looking at ageing not as something to resist but

1:12 something we can meet with intention and a deeper

1:15 understanding of who we are. Welcome to mind blend.

1:21 I'm your host Karen Chong. In each episode I talk with

1:24 people who've experienced something real and we breakdown

1:27 what made the difference so you can see yourself and the world

1:30 around you more clearly, spot what you might have been missing

1:33 and move through life with a clearer way forward.

1:36 If you like what you're hearing, share with those around you and

1:39 subscribe to Mind Blend. You'll help a lot in spreading

1:42 the insights for anyone who can use them.

1:44 Let's blend. Hi Tanya, welcome to Mine Blend.

1:50 Hi, I am so pleased to be here. Thank you for that, Karen.

1:54 Thank you for being here. Now the topic of aging.

1:59 Usually someone don't. They don't think about it until

2:02 they see some changes. It can be changes in their body,

2:07 changes in their appearances, in the way they think of

2:10 themselves. How did that look like to you?

2:15 Oh, I think you are absolutely on point when you say that.

2:21 It's the changes that start to create the ripple of of thoughts

2:29 and, and, and when we talk about, we'll talk about some

2:32 practical tips, the changes and how society perceives them

2:38 largely, which most of us have internalized is where that that

2:44 beginning of a certain mindset and a certain set of beliefs

2:48 around what those changes mean starts.

2:52 So for me, that's when I as, as, as someone who does consider

3:00 themself self aware, I started to realize I have some, some

3:05 very interesting internal beliefs about what these changes

3:09 mean, right? About maybe, maybe a little

3:13 extra line here or there, right? What does that mean?

3:16 As you can see, my hair is Gray. So what, what does that mean in

3:20 society and how is it perceived? And so I, I really started

3:23 grappling with this myself as I was experiencing these changes

3:26 that I linked to certain beliefs that I knew were coming from

3:32 somewhere else because I, I, if you asked me how I feel right

3:37 now, it's probably 20 plus years younger than my, you know, as,

3:46 as billed age. Yeah, your ID so.

3:49 Yes, my, yes. So I know everyone's talking

3:52 about your biological age and all those things as we do this,

3:56 all this hacking and you know, so I, I honestly feel as if,

4:01 yes, I started to, it really examined just as a coach, how I

4:07 was thinking about it. And and then also talking to

4:10 some clients which we can we can, I can give you some some

4:14 examples in a moment. So you mentioned you saw

4:16 something and then it there's these messages, these beliefs.

4:22 Can you tell us a few more of these beliefs?

4:26 Yeah, I mean, I, I think that so I'll, I'll give you an example.

4:31 I, I think we had spoken about this in my Facebook post When?

4:35 So in November of 2025, I turned 55 and it's kind of I felt like

4:40 it was a golden moment. I have a couple of friends.

4:44 We talk about the each each decade as the floor.

4:47 So I'm on the 5th floor now and, and the higher you go, the

4:53 better the view is. That's the way that we think

4:56 about it. So, so I, I was, people would

5:03 say, you know, you look great for your age.

5:08 And I just, I, I was, I, as I was thinking about that, I said,

5:13 what does that mean? What does it mean?

5:16 I mean, if you look great, you look great.

5:18 And, and this concept of for your age, I, and I am one of

5:24 those people because I'm a mindset lifestyle coach.

5:26 I think about the words that I'm using, the words that others are

5:30 using, the words that I'm how, how I'm perceiving it.

5:33 And I just thought about that just means that we, we have this

5:37 leaning this, this sort of implicit leaning towards, OK,

5:43 well, yes, this is, this is this age, but it's, it's not great to

5:46 be that age. You want to be something lower.

5:51 And, and so, so, but yeah, if you want to talk specifics, you

5:55 know, I noticed some lines on my forehead.

5:59 I don't remember when it was, it was in the last year.

6:02 And and I remember going. They were not there before.

6:08 These are new and I, again, I had to think about it.

6:13 And I have to say, I, I, I've been blessed with longevity, my

6:17 family, I all of my particularly on my father's side, they've all

6:23 lived well into their 90s, couple into their hundreds.

6:27 And I was just thinking about how much I adored them and their

6:32 wisdom and what they brought. And so I in my way of reframing,

6:40 I'm just like, OK, this is me becoming wise like they were.

6:47 But it was a, it was a conscious shift.

6:49 It was a conscious shift from, Oh my goodness to OK, this is,

6:57 this can actually be a positive. How can I reframe this as a, as,

7:00 as a positive? And that's, that's where this,

7:03 this work kind of began. There were other things, you

7:07 know, and, and I do menopause coaching as well, because that's

7:11 all part of particularly for women who's going through this,

7:14 this process and, you know, body composition changes.

7:20 So things were changing in my body.

7:23 And I, you know, I've been a fitness professional, I've been

7:26 a dancer for years. And so there was, and this is

7:30 this is where it really was brought home for me, is that as

7:37 a dancer, I think 1 there's some challenges already as a dancer,

7:41 you have a certain sort of standard body type, body size

7:45 you want to be. And then when these changes

7:47 start happening, it it, it your identity is, is stretched.

7:53 Yeah, I'm going to use the word stretched.

7:56 You can say challenged as well. And so for me, there were those

7:59 things also, which is same, same level of movement, constant

8:04 activity, etcetera. But my body was changing in

8:07 these ways that I was I was grappling with.

8:12 Now, because you are a mindset coach, you are maybe more

8:18 comfortable, you know, intentionally setting your

8:20 mindset. Yeah.

8:22 But I'm sure you have had clients who's theoretically they

8:26 understand that but are like struggling to do what helps

8:30 them. Like how how, how do you help

8:34 them tackle this? Yeah.

8:35 I mean, we start with, I tend to come from an, an additive

8:40 perspective as opposed to a let's figure out how we can take

8:43 stuff away. So, so shifting the focus,

8:47 right? It's, it's, that's, that's kind

8:50 of what a reframe is. Some people think of reframes as

8:53 this sort of toxic positivity And, and it's not, right.

8:57 It's really about, I mean, it's, it's the glass half full.

9:01 The glass is both half full and half empty.

9:03 It's what you choose to focus on.

9:05 So, so part of what I suggest is first is just noticing,

9:11 noticing. And you ask me the question,

9:13 what is it that seems to trigger certain thoughts, certain

9:18 emotions for you? And let's just, let's just

9:21 observe those things and and observe them with compassion.

9:26 And grace. And and not follow them down

9:30 'cause they can go down a little bit of a rabbit hole, which is

9:33 where a lot of the things that you're talking about start.

9:35 So first it's just observing. It's just observing when, when

9:39 am I in these spaces? And then, and so that's, that's

9:42 one of the things is to just start to understand your own

9:47 inner process as it relates to what, what am I thinking about

9:51 this? What I also encourage is, you

9:54 know, as you're looking at what external things are, who are the

9:58 people that you can? So I have my aunts.

10:01 I, I adored them, I revered them.

10:04 I respected them so immensely. And so who are the, the models

10:10 for? You know, I, I assume that the

10:12 person from that you last interviewed can be a model for

10:16 hey, this is how this can be, this can be very exciting.

10:20 This could be. And, and we're seeing more of

10:22 that. And I, I, I could talk about

10:24 some of that, that research that's out there, right?

10:27 There's research that says that the age, the, the true age that

10:33 we see as old has, has gone up since, you know, I don't know

10:38 when they first started measuring it early in the, in

10:41 the, you know, 20th century. So, so we perceive old as a, as

10:45 a different age and that's going up because we see now more

10:48 people in their 50s, in their 60s, in their 70s and there's

10:51 active and they're vibrant and they're doing all of these

10:53 things. So, so as we look for those role

10:56 models and those examples that we can look to and kind of, you

11:01 know, maybe allow focusing on that to to shift our focus from

11:06 what may have been, you know, a more a more challenging sort of

11:10 mindset and point of view. Yeah, I'd like to dive into

11:13 this, the research a little bit. Like we have all heard of the,

11:17 you know, 30, what, 30 is a new 20.

11:20 Like you can just keep going, like 70 is a new 60, maybe even

11:24 55 now. What are some of the research

11:26 show Like is it the ability to do something now we can do it

11:30 until we're an older age? Like what are some of those?

11:33 Well, OK, so, so the, the, the research is largely around

11:38 mindset, which is really exciting for me, right?

11:41 Because it has to do with what you believe.

11:43 Now for those of you who are devotees of, I don't know if

11:47 you've heard of Carol Dweck and growth and fixed mindset right

11:52 there. There's, I mean, even she talks

11:54 about fixed mindset has a place. I am not now or nor will I ever

12:01 or in the past going to challenge LeBron James to a game

12:05 of basketball and beat him. So my growth mindset has a a

12:10 limit has a limit, yes. Now, having said that, you know,

12:16 the research shows that one, as our brains sort of reorganize

12:24 again with age, our bodies are remarkably resilient, that we

12:30 have access to ways of thinking that we cannot have.

12:36 And there's certain genes that turn on with experience, right?

12:40 So we don't talk, we don't talk about these things.

12:43 It's all of these things that we can actually look towards and

12:48 and so we can think about things in these new ways.

12:51 I mean they included things like this sort of our relativistic

12:55 thinking. So we can sort of understand

12:57 that that there when I was 20, it was black or white, it was

13:01 this is this or this. You're old or you're.

13:03 Now we, we know that there's, there's a lot of Gray, there's a

13:09 lot of Gray and there's, there's actually power in that Gray.

13:14 And I, I say that and I'm like, oh, now that's a quote.

13:16 I could say there's power in the.

13:17 Gray. It's my Gray hair.

13:19 Yeah. But then also in this Gray and

13:21 so we have this sort of non dualistic thinking that we can

13:25 access and that actually allows us to bring new creativity, new

13:31 ideas. And then it it added to that.

13:34 There's also studies that show that as we get older, we, we can

13:39 mostly because we know it's related to some of the things I

13:43 was just talking about with the relativistic thinking.

13:45 But we also know that we don't sweat the small stuff as much.

13:49 And so it, that allows us to be more resilient because we're

13:53 like, I, I'm not going to even worry about that.

13:56 And we're able to do that more than someone younger.

13:59 So there are these benefits. Well, even for like health

14:03 tracking apps, they have a health age and your real age

14:08 based on your vitals. Now, what are some of the things

14:11 that we should be tracking? But like our health metrics

14:15 aren't really tracking because usually it's the your like VO2,

14:20 your weights, your heights. What would you wish that they

14:25 can track more? Oh, oh, gosh, that would that,

14:29 that's, that's a wonderful kind of open the space question.

14:34 I well, first, when we talk about very specific physical

14:38 health metrics, because that's, I mean, also it's largely what

14:42 the technology can monitor. Some of our mindset stuff is a

14:45 little, a little harder. One of the things that is one of

14:49 the biggest determination of or indicators of health is waist

14:53 size. Waist size.

14:55 OK, yes. A lot of people are focused on

14:57 their weight and I always say focus on your waist because the

15:04 the research has shown that it's a much better indicator than

15:07 BMI, which of course is concerned with your weight and

15:09 your height and all that stuff. But your waist or your waist to

15:12 hip ratio, because it is a known factor that there are different

15:18 body types, right? You've got who carry more weight

15:22 in their trunk. They tend to carry more

15:25 particularly the number one killer heart disease,

15:29 particularly cardiovascular risk is in sort of our expanding

15:33 waist lines. So I'm going to tell you one of

15:35 the little things that I do, OK, this is my little my little

15:38 secret. So I there's also research that

15:42 says that when you move after you eat, particularly within

15:46 that immediate half hour after you eat, they've studied mostly

15:50 walking. It helps with maintaining sort

15:54 of stable blood sugar. I hula hoop wow for 15 minutes

16:03 after I eat. So that's 1-2 if if they could.

16:10 And this is where I don't think the tech is really available to

16:13 it. I know that, you know, there's,

16:15 there's measurements around sleep, which I am a big advocate

16:19 of in terms of getting contiguous quality sleep.

16:24 You know, some people will say, oh, I got 4 hours here and four

16:27 hours here. That's, that's not the same.

16:30 That's just be clear, that's not the same as 8 hours.

16:32 So, so I know that a lot of them measure sleep.

16:34 So I, I am, I endorse that, I will say, because I think that

16:38 that is also one of the underappreciated mechanisms by

16:42 which we allow our bodies to recover.

16:46 And it helps rejuvenate. Yes, I would say in, in sort of

16:50 a mindset way that there are many ways to rejuvenate, right.

16:55 There's the body sort of physical, all of the skin cells

17:00 kind of replicating and, and, and then there's this, this

17:05 element of almost energetic rejuvenation.

17:08 And that's where age positive comes in, because the the

17:11 concept of age positive is that it's at any age because you

17:18 start aging from the time that you leave your mother's.

17:21 You're born. So when we talk about aging,

17:23 it's often just this later stage and it's just no, you are

17:28 constantly. So you want to squeeze the juice

17:33 of every era, every year, every moment, right?

17:37 It is the the definition of mindfulness, right?

17:40 And we constantly talk about the benefits of mindfulness.

17:43 So yeah, this concept, I love using rejuvenation because what

17:48 is it that energizes you, right? When you think about your

17:52 vitality, what's the source of that?

17:55 And, and again, this is shifting the focus.

17:57 It's not about what, what's draining me today.

17:59 What's what, what is that source of rejuvenation as you just

18:05 said? And how can I tap into that more

18:08 often when I need it? Yeah, So that's, that's the

18:13 question. And and it's going to be

18:15 different. It's going to be different

18:17 because of, to be honest, what's going on for you physically over

18:20 the course of your life, but also just your, your general

18:24 environmental context, who's around you, the relationships

18:27 that you're in, you know, the, the, whether you're in London or

18:30 you're in San Francisco, you know, so.

18:33 The context. The context so you want to I

18:38 mean that's, that's the other thing that I, I wish it could

18:42 help you measure and maybe the aura ring or other if it could

18:45 measure when you're excited, when you when your energy is up

18:52 in this way that is really enhancing for your body.

18:56 So let's figure that out 'cause we often the the trackers often

18:59 focus on stress what we. Are stress right now it tells me

19:03 that. What is what is debilitating

19:06 you? I don't, I, I want to move

19:09 towards the rejuvenation. I want to move towards the

19:12 energy, the vitality. So how could we measure those

19:16 types of things and and flag those so that you can in that

19:20 moment, like, Oh yeah. And that's when we should be our

19:25 own tracker. Like we, like you said in the

19:27 very, very beginning, you start with noticing and then if you

19:31 notice, make note of it and then you observe how you react.

19:37 Now let's talk about reacting. And we live in a world that is

19:44 we're constantly bombarded by anti aging this and that,

19:49 turning back the clock. And there's something that I

19:52 really like that you said, honoring the clock instead of

19:55 trying to stop it or turning it back.

19:58 I really love that because and this reminded me of a comedy

20:01 skit. It's by Shang Wang, I think, he

20:05 said. So you see all these commercial

20:07 about anti aging, who's aging? Like, why is everyone so anti

20:13 this person called aging? So I thought it's like, which is

20:16 a silly joke, but I thought it was really timely.

20:20 Like yeah, like I just came back from a trip from Asia and

20:24 especially when it comes to Asia, if you don't fit a certain

20:28 look that is not considered beautiful or like the window is

20:33 a lot smaller, how can someone help them self battle these

20:38 messages? Yeah, I, well, first I'm going

20:43 to say you are constantly bombarded by these messages

20:49 because they are so common. And it sounds like cross

20:53 cultures, right? Because I born and raised in the

20:56 US, travelled extensively. But yeah, it's, it's it's pretty

21:01 pervasive. So it's hard.

21:03 So I just want to, I just want to put that out there that this

21:06 is not, we're not saying that. I'm certainly not saying that.

21:10 OK, well all you have to do is this and it's really easy since

21:14 you are bombarded externally, you have to have your almost

21:18 shield, part of your shield. And I tend to think of it as my

21:22 tribe. My tribe are all people that are

21:25 like minded in that we we resist that and we lean into what we

21:34 love to do. So there are others who think

21:38 like me. So find those people.

21:40 Some people will tell you to hang out with a diverse group of

21:45 ages. So you're not constantly sort of

21:51 with people who are maybe sort of thinking the way that you are

21:55 trying to. Get away from.

21:58 Yes. So I encourage you to find that

22:01 tribe. I'm gonna tell you about 1:00

22:04 reminder I just got from a friend a sub stack.

22:07 So she she mentioned clock blockers.

22:11 Clock blockers. OK, and and she actually, I told

22:14 her, I said, Oh my God, this is fantastic for this whole age

22:17 positive, you know, thing that I'm on.

22:20 And she said I I entirely did not intend it that way.

22:23 She meant time wasters, you know, clock blockers.

22:27 And I was like, no, it's people who are to what you said,

22:31 they're blocking the clock. They're not honoring it.

22:33 They're just, they're just trying to stop it.

22:37 And, and I so, so, so now one of the things that I think about

22:41 when I hear stuff or even if I have an internal thing is clock

22:46 blockers. And I it, it just kind of sort

22:49 of changes my, my, where, where my head is.

22:55 It's hard. It is easier when you pay

22:59 attention and if you practice paying attention and shifting

23:03 the narrative. Yeah, 'cause what you tell

23:06 yourself it becomes true. Like when you are constantly

23:10 thinking that you're old, you do look older, or you're it looks

23:14 like you have this cloud over you.

23:18 There are so many things that when we put our mind to it and,

23:23 and actually think that we can find that are just wonderful

23:29 things in our lives. So thinking about what's the

23:32 gift in today as opposed to what's the, I mean, people talk

23:34 about it with gratitude journals.

23:36 This is exactly the same thing. What are you grateful for and

23:39 why? What has it brought to you life?

23:42 The other thing I, I tell people is to have something in the next

23:46 month. I usually try to use the next

23:47 month 'cause you know, it's, it's always can be a challenge

23:50 and, and the week, but to have something that you are looking

23:54 forward to that you have that you can anticipate because, and

24:01 I'm, I'm actually looking for research around this, right.

24:04 I saw some information about the, the power of awe.

24:09 So just being in awe of, of things.

24:13 And I think that similar to that, there's this concept of

24:18 sort of excitement and anticipation that you have

24:21 around something that you know you're going to do that you know

24:24 you're going to enjoy. And if you can plant those seeds

24:28 every month in your calendar, in your mind, that's, that's why

24:34 you start building this, this era of thriving whenever you're

24:39 there. So, so I think, I think what,

24:41 what happens is that, and, and I encourage even from your teens,

24:47 your 20's, the time you become mentally aware, it's to start

24:52 thinking about the things that, that, that give you that

24:58 emotional mental boost, not, not just the physical, right.

25:06 Because there's so much power in that.

25:09 You want to move your body, that our bodies were designed, you

25:12 know, you don't you, you don't use it, you lose it.

25:16 But similarly, if you're not using your brain and, and our

25:20 brains light up for really, really, really positive things

25:24 and really, really, really like strong emotions.

25:28 We have brain chemicals releasing for really, really

25:31 happy and really, really. And those things really create

25:34 those neural pathways. And so the more we can because,

25:39 because the negative has a lot of stuff associated with it that

25:43 it we're not interested in the positive has so many things that

25:47 can bring us to some basically some new levels, right as we go

25:53 to each new floor, as we're talking about and the view is

25:56 getting better. So, so yeah, so I, I think we

25:59 have a lot of lot of metaphors we've been putting out here, but

26:04 I, but I love it because that's that's what age positive is

26:08 about. Age positive is about this

26:10 concept of having these ways in which we could see the world

26:13 metaphor that is different than what we're seeing.

26:17 And I will say the other thing that I say when I really want to

26:20 just be blunt is because of the fact that we're aging from the

26:23 time we're born, If you were anti aging, you're pro def

26:25 because that's the that's the only way you stop aging.

26:28 That is the only way you stop aging.

26:30 So all these things you're trying to do, appreciate it.

26:34 The best thing to do is to actually just enjoy your life.

26:39 You can spend most of your time fighting it.

26:42 Yeah. Just honor the fact that you've

26:44 come this far. You have this wonderful set of

26:46 experience opening up new genes, that you have this wisdom that

26:52 you have a lot of times in the in the opportunity space that we

26:55 have people that we know, that we've known for years that we

26:59 can share information with. That's actually, I don't know if

27:02 you're aware of the Counterclockwise study by Ellen

27:05 Langer, so author of The Mindful Body, Ellen Langer, one of my

27:10 one of my favorite sort of health psychologists, she's up

27:13 there with Kelly Mcgonigal. She did a study in 1979.

27:20 The study was based on taking a small group of men into a

27:25 monastery, which she outfitted as if it was 1959.

27:29 From the magazines to the appliances to the and any

27:33 pictures that were in the in their rooms, etcetera were only

27:36 until 1959. They had no pictures from after

27:40 that. So in the 20 years after that,

27:42 so and they're men in their 70s and 80s.

27:43 So this is basically no pictures beyond when they were in their

27:46 50s or 60s. They spent a certain amount of

27:50 time and so they were treated as if they were very able bodied

27:55 etcetera. And so they actually showed

28:00 great change in their bodies from their posture to their

28:08 eyesight to. So it was, it was really,

28:11 really. Amazing oh I I understand 'cause

28:16 they think they are 20 years younger the.

28:18 Newspapers, etcetera were from that time.

28:22 So they're actively discussing sports events, things that are

28:25 happening as if they are current and their cells believed it,

28:31 right. They actually started to believe

28:33 it. And, and one of the other post

28:36 sort of analysis that they did is they showed a picture of the

28:39 person, the man before and then a picture of the man after.

28:44 Two random observers asked them which is younger.

28:50 And of course the person would say the one.

28:53 So there were clearly just visual changes.

29:00 So yeah, so there's this concept.

29:01 So and and she did do a intermediary group that just met

29:06 regularly to talk about the things from that time period.

29:09 And they had, they had changes, positive changes.

29:14 So, so again, what that suggests to you is the power of how you

29:19 think about things, about how you think about yourself.

29:23 And so again, it, it, I usually pair that with the, the Ohio

29:29 longitudinal study where they basically ask what's your

29:32 perspective on, on aging? And those who had negative

29:35 perspectives lived eight years less.

29:38 So if you had a positive perception of aging and what it

29:41 could bring and, and, and you going into it, you had a longer

29:47 life. And I think they were mainly

29:49 measuring longevity as opposed to kind of health span.

29:52 But I, I would venture to say that if they enjoyed their lives

29:57 that they did all the things that we're talking about, right?

30:00 They leaned into. They pointed towards

30:02 rejuvenation for its excitement, towards things that made them

30:06 feel vital and energized. I can think of so many studies

30:11 I've read or documentaries I've seen like people in certain

30:16 countries, I think Greece and like Okinawa, they were looking

30:21 at how vital or how just mobile people are.

30:25 Even if they're in their 90s or maybe 100, they are so doing

30:29 everyday things because they have a great great community

30:33 around them compared to more isolated old couples just.

30:39 Sorry. Senior couples.

30:43 Couples living by themselves only and they tend to not be as

30:47 mobile as happy when they are, yes, increasing in their age.

30:52 So there's a lot of that. But as you were talking about

30:55 the, the story about things being set in 1950 something, and

31:00 the people were talking about those as it was current.

31:03 There's like a fine line because you have people who are just

31:06 talking about the past, right? Like, oh, those were the good

31:09 days. Like, how can we balance that?

31:13 But how can we talk about it in a way that gets so vital?

31:16 That is a, that is a wonderful, wonderful question because it's,

31:20 it's kind of how, you know, as a coach, right?

31:23 I, I separate my work from the work of a therapist by the fact

31:27 that therapists do a lot of that past processing.

31:31 And so my only interest in the past is how it relates to the

31:35 future, how it relates to how you can bring that phone.

31:37 So I think that is exactly what my answer to that would be is

31:43 first of all, reminiscing is great and it has a place.

31:46 And part of this whole concept of age positive is what does

31:51 that look like for me today? Because what, what ultimately

31:55 you're doing when you're reminiscing is you're saying

31:58 this brought me a lot of energy. This brought me a lot of it, It

32:02 rejuvenated me. So what does that look like

32:05 today? How can I incorporate that more

32:07 today? And, and maybe you determine

32:09 today it doesn't do as much for me, which is fine.

32:12 Reminisce about it. And then what does bring you

32:16 that same feeling today, Right. So it's not about does it have

32:21 to be the exact same activity? Maybe it is, maybe it isn't.

32:24 That's again, it's it's about being curious about what will

32:29 give me that same feeling now and into the future.

32:33 And how can I have more of that in my life so that I have

32:38 something to reminisce on? That's great.

32:42 That's a very great way to think of how we can leverage what we

32:47 enjoyed in the past. My father is 86, and he has

32:53 macular degeneration, so his vision is low.

32:57 And we had a conversation about what is it that he liked to do,

33:03 and then what was it about that? So I think, you know, that's

33:06 part of what coaching can support you with is really kind

33:09 of maybe peeling back the layers of what about that?

33:14 Was it the the, the people that you were able to just actually

33:17 connecting with people? Was it that you felt, you know,

33:21 pride and accomplishment? What was it and how can you get

33:26 those same feelings today? So really being able to pull

33:29 that back and reflect on that gives you access to kind of

33:35 those new places that you can be.

33:37 And you mentioned, you know, the old couple and that is what is

33:42 the difference between being old and being age positive?

33:47 Because to your point, you are an old couple of all you're

33:49 doing is sitting and reminiscing and not connecting with people

33:53 and staying in your home and being afraid to to try something

33:57 new. That is the definition of old

33:59 that I will give. That's old.

34:02 We are talking about age positive as something that is

34:06 basically counter that and not kind of being sort of resolved

34:11 to be old. Yeah, like you said, like you

34:16 are on the 5th floor, like seeing these as floors.

34:19 I think it's a great metaphor. Like I really like something on

34:23 the 3rd floor. Like how can I find this on the

34:26 5th floor for something like that?

34:29 You know, it's a different environment.

34:30 The 5th floor looks different, the 6th floor's gonna look

34:33 different. And maybe maybe you even look

34:35 ahead to something that you want to put in place that you can

34:39 continue to do. And So what, what resources do

34:42 you need? You know what what inner

34:45 strengths, which is always again, all of the ways that you

34:48 can reflect and be introspective about again, your emotions, but

34:53 also the strengths that you bring to be able to talk about

34:58 and articulate what could could be that that thing for you.

35:05 What could? Yes.

35:06 And rejuvenate you I still I I love I love that I'm I'm going

35:09 to use that so I hope I can steal it Karen, the concept of

35:13 rejuvenation because that's to your point, that is the the

35:15 physical process, but it's also the mental emotional process

35:19 that we're talking about that keeps you in this wonderfully

35:24 thriving space regardless of the.

35:27 Yeah. Now I'd like to ask something a

35:31 little more personal. Have you had moments where you

35:35 see those new lines and it brings you down?

35:39 And I want to hear what you tell your mind to stay in this

35:44 positive state of mind. Do I have moments?

35:48 Certainly, yeah. Where I'm, I think it's probably

35:52 less the lines and more my body. I will share with you, I am, so

36:02 I danced for a long time in San Francisco Carnival as a

36:06 Brazilian dancer and, and I am returning from, I guess it's

36:14 been 10 years just because I, that is my family, that is one

36:19 of my tribes, because dance is very, very personal to me.

36:25 Dance is one of my rejuvenating mechanisms, right?

36:28 And it's starting to look different.

36:30 So it's challenging me because the, the identity that I had,

36:36 the, the costumes that I would have not even thought about

36:40 wearing, not even thought about the, the fact that I was going

36:43 to wear that. So I'm having these sort of

36:46 doubts and, and just insecurities about them.

36:51 And what has been really wonderful for me is I have

36:57 people in my life that I can say, OK, I'm having a moment

37:02 because you're going to have those moments and they'll be

37:06 like Tanya, whatever you bring will be light, will be energy.

37:12 I mean, they, they, the again, this tribe that I have

37:15 surrounded myself and I'm going to try not to cry right now.

37:20 This tribe that I have surrounded myself with is they

37:24 know exactly what to say. And so that's why I think who

37:28 you have in your corner, in your circle, I think there's a,

37:33 there's a quote that I use with I have a, a network model that I

37:37 have to help clients connect with the, the, what they need in

37:41 their tribe. And it's by Nipsey Hussle.

37:45 And he says if you are not inspired by the people in your

37:49 circle, you don't have a circle, you have a cage.

37:53 Oh wow, that's a great matter. That's.

37:56 Great. I have been extremely fortunate

38:01 and I like to say that there was an intentionality on my part to

38:05 cultivate relationships that energize me, that support me,

38:11 that lift me up. And if you don't have that, find

38:17 that there's, I mean, the, the, the great thing of technology

38:21 has its ups and downs, but the great thing about technology is

38:23 you can find people if you're looking for reach out, the, the

38:27 people that you need will respond appropriately when you

38:33 reach out. And I know it, it can be a

38:35 little sort of intimidating, but there's, there's all kinds of

38:38 meetups. I know I'm on next door and they

38:41 have meetups. And I mean, there's so many

38:43 avenues to, to, to branch out and meet new people.

38:47 And so I, I just, I encourage that, I tell them thank you.

38:53 I, I am grateful. So I am explicitly thankful to

38:59 them so that they understand that, and that reinforces their

39:03 desire to be that for me. Mm hmm.

39:07 Yeah. People you want to surround

39:09 yourself with would be the ones who told you what they told you

39:13 versus people who told you. Well, you can do this and then

39:16 you can hide this part of your body and yeah, like you can use

39:20 that cream or like, oh, I know there's anti.

39:23 Aging serum that you can. Right.

39:26 And like, and I understand it's really difficult to resist those

39:30 and because who doesn't want the skin that they had when they

39:33 were young And like, it's all elastic, But there, yes, there

39:38 are ways that you can improve your like the bear, the what's

39:43 the word, the immunity. I'll just say immunity, like how

39:48 your skin can March against like pollution and stuff like that so

39:51 that it can maintain a healthy texture, a healthy structure for

39:56 longer. And I'm, we're not saying don't

39:59 do those. We're saying the mindset is.

40:03 Powerful. It can help you with a lot of

40:05 things that. Yeah, I the way that I think

40:09 about it is, I mean everyone has to walk their own path.

40:14 If you are walking a path, particularly using a product or

40:19 wearing some clothing or anything that is about hiding or

40:24 shame of anything about yourself.

40:28 And, and it starts, it starts outside.

40:31 And I, you know, sometimes I'm, I'm always like, which should it

40:34 start inside or outside? The bottom line is if, if you

40:38 notice that going back to noticing, that's where you want

40:43 to process that a little bit. There's nothing wrong with

40:47 creams. If, if your skin feels dry, you

40:49 put some, you put some lotion on it or you put some cream on it.

40:52 Yes. And, and I want to go back.

40:54 You, you use the word healthy. Healthy looks different at

40:58 different spaces. Healthy doesn't look better

41:02 because the skin is tighter. Healthy looks like healthy.

41:05 So yeah. So my focus is usually about do

41:09 what you want to do, just make sure you're not doing it to

41:14 basically be someone different to get away from.

41:16 Something get away from. Something I think if, if you

41:20 take away nothing else, it's it's that concept of reframing

41:25 age positive is about being positive, finding the positive,

41:32 right? Because you can't be it until

41:33 you find it. So I will say that and and we

41:35 have already talked about it's hard.

41:38 So if you can find what energizes you, what you like

41:45 about yourself and focus on that.

41:49 So I, I use the eighty 2020% of the time you're going to, it's

41:54 that you're going to be like, I OK, I know Tanya said that Karen

41:58 said that. I, I can't, I, I just can't do

42:00 it. That's OK.

42:03 Nothing is perfect. If 80% of the time you're

42:06 scheduling something that you can look forward to in a month,

42:09 you're, you're talking to someone that brings you up and

42:13 really allows you to ascend. If you're doing something that

42:18 gives you great joy, whether it's reading a book that you

42:20 love watching a show. I mean, I have certain shows.

42:24 I, I'm also a laughter yoga leader.

42:27 So laughter is one of those places that I actually encourage

42:31 my clients to ask themselves, can I laugh easily?

42:35 Can I laugh at nothing? Can I laugh with kids?

42:38 If you can, it's again, it's, it's not good or bad.

42:42 It's a point of reflection. So yes.

42:46 And that's, that's what this is about.

42:48 This is about finding your version of at at this point in

42:54 time. 5th floor, 6th floor, 7th floor, whatever floor you're on.

43:00 Because you only get one life. The older you get, the more you

43:03 realize. I don't.

43:04 I don't have time for that. But there's no point clock

43:09 blocking. It's gonna be moving.

43:13 You're going to spend so much energy trying to hold that.

43:16 Just enjoy, enjoy the ride, you know, don't watch the clock,

43:21 that's for sure. Just enjoy it and and do what do

43:25 what brings you joy. Do what brings you joy.

43:29 Yes, I, I'm so glad you pointed that out because a lot of the

43:34 things that people do, including some of the questions that I

43:37 received before this episode, a lot of it are advice on how to

43:43 come to terms with, you know, the whatever changes you see in

43:47 your body. And it's not so much accepting

43:52 these, but like there's a deeper way of helping yourself.

43:56 It's to frame it in a way that works for you.

44:00 It's start, it's starting there. I mean there I think there's an

44:02 opportunity for the other stuff. But I mean, personally, I really

44:06 love my neck and shoulders and that's not.

44:09 So find something that you, you could love your teeth, you know

44:13 what I mean? So find something that you can

44:15 celebrate to balance, you know, your perspective, especially if

44:20 you're talking about the physical.

44:21 But I again, what we're here for is the the mind blend, right?

44:25 Is the fact that the mental and emotional the mind is so much

44:32 more powerful than any of the physical things that you could

44:35 be grappling with? Yeah, yeah.

44:38 Like it's more the longer term, It's longer term.

44:41 Powerful it. It can basically create the

44:46 changes that you want to see in how you see your outer self, if

44:52 you can get that inner self really comfort, really grounded,

44:57 really rooted. Yeah, but this last part I'd

45:02 like to play Rectifier Questions, questions, quick

45:08 answer, not a lot of explanation needed.

45:11 Hey, one word you'd like people to stop relating with aging.

45:16 I feel like it's do do do do fragile.

45:20 OK, one quality that tends to improve with age but rarely gets

45:24 talked about. Resilience.

45:27 You're not the first person who said it.

45:29 OK, next 1A subtle sign that someone is being hard on

45:32 themselves about aging that often goes unnoticed.

45:37 Reclusiveness. Like not wanting to interact

45:40 with people. OK next one.

45:44 What's one small daily habit that supports an age positive

45:48 mindset? So Wendy ran to my head.

45:53 OK, so I will say the first thing that kept to mind was

45:56 gratitude. Yeah, that's a great one.

45:57 That's a great one. Yeah.

45:58 Like you're thankful for being. Alive, honoring the clock.

46:01 Yeah. You're grateful, Not sad, Not

46:05 I'm. One day older.

46:09 Why? That's what she's grateful,

46:11 grateful to be here, grateful to have had the experience I've had

46:14 thus far. Yeah, last one.

46:17 What's something you appreciate about yourself now that you

46:21 didn't early in life? You used the word appreciate

46:24 self appreciation. You didn't self appreciate, but

46:27 you self appreciate now. I do.

46:31 Great. That's a great place to come

46:32 from. Yeah.

46:33 Because we have been talking about it for the entire episode.

46:36 How you treat yourself. Yeah.

46:38 How you appreciate yourself. Now, I really appreciate you

46:42 spending an hour with me today sharing your own experience,

46:47 your advice, and people who want to take on a more positive

46:52 mindset or a mindset that helps them thrive whatever age they

46:57 are. Whatever floor you're on.

46:59 Mm hmm. Thank you very much.

47:01 Thank you, Karen, it's been a pleasure.

47:02 Me too. Thanks for listening to this

47:09 episode of Mind One. If you enjoyed the conversation,

47:12 don't forget to follow and share it with anyone who needs to hear

47:14 it. And let's keep the conversation

47:16 going. Connect with me on LinkedIn or

47:19 leave me a comment. Until next time, stay curious,

47:23 keep exploring, and let's continue to blend our minds and

47:25 discover what's possible.