Confidence Isn’t Found. It’s built through Choosing to Reinvent in Hard Moments- Rachael Lawrence

0:00 I know a lot of people say about fake it until you make it, and I

0:03 think there's definitely space for that and that has helped and

0:05 worked for me. But it only gets you to a

0:09 certain point and then you've got to think, OK, it's not about

0:14 faking it until you make it anymore.

0:16 It's about showing up as yourself and believing in

0:18 yourself and learning how to shut down the in critic and

0:22 knowing you're good enough to be wherever you are and to say

0:26 whatever you want to say and to do the work that you want to do.

0:29 You are good enough. We have to unravel all of the

0:32 conditioning that we've put on ourselves to be able to start to

0:36 see that for ourselves. Today's conversation is about

0:43 reinvention, but not the glossy found myself version, but the

0:47 kind that's forged through lived experience.

0:50 The kind that comes from navigating moments that change

0:52 you, like a divorce, becoming a solo parent, giving away a

0:56 kidney, even questioning your worth, choosing to step forward

1:01 anyway. My guest, Rachel Lawrence blends

1:05 deep personal experience with professional insight to help

1:08 ambitious women, especially those in midlife, stop playing

1:11 small and start showing up with confidence.

1:15 This episode isn't about becoming someone new.

1:17 It's about owning who you already are, trusting what

1:20 you've lived, and learning how to translate that into bold,

1:23 visible leadership into your work and life.

1:28 Welcome to MIND Blend. I'm your host, Karen Chong.

1:31 In each episode, I talk with people who've experienced

1:34 something real and we breakdown what made the difference so you

1:38 can see yourself and the world around you more clearly, spot

1:41 what you might have been missing, and move through life

1:43 with a clearer way forward. If you like what you're hearing,

1:46 share with those around you and subscribe to Mind Blend.

1:49 You'll help a lot in spreading the insights for anyone who can

1:52 use them. Let's blend.

1:58 Hi, Rachel, welcome to MIND BLEND.

2:01 Thank you, Karen, Thank you so much for having me on her show.

2:04 I'm really excited to be here. Same here.

2:07 So I'm sure we're all intrigued. What happened, like what

2:10 happened to her? So you have been through a lot

2:15 in your life and there have been many moments that you reinvented

2:19 yourself. Tell us a lot about them.

2:23 Oh wow. So yes, like many women, I have

2:26 been through a lot in my 20s and 30s.

2:30 And I suppose the story that a lot of people are interested in

2:35 right now, because I have been talking about it a lot more

2:37 recently, is the story of in my late 20s, donating my kidney to

2:43 my then husband when I had a small child.

2:47 She was 2. And it was something that I went

2:53 into wholeheartedly. I'm a massive advocate for organ

2:56 donation. But my personal experience,

2:59 unfortunately, as a result of saying that didn't end

3:02 particularly well, my relationship broke down and we

3:05 ended up getting divorced. And that resulted in me going

3:09 through an episode of deep depression and anxiety and that

3:14 very much shaped my late 20s and early 30s into the career I then

3:19 stepped into. So in a way it was, even though

3:23 it was very painful time, it was a blessing because it helped me

3:27 get into the world of coaching and helping people with their

3:30 mental health. And so that was kind of like my

3:33 first stepping stone into the personal development, self help

3:37 work that became really important as part of my healing

3:41 when I was in my 20s and 30s. And it that in itself gave me a

3:47 lot of wisdom and experience. And then naturally as you go

3:51 through your sort of 30s, you have other things that happened,

3:53 career pivots and lots of things like that.

3:57 And then it eventually led to me being post pandemic, where I've

4:03 had to pivot again in my career to do something different now in

4:08 midlife. And things are a lot more

4:10 challenging, which I think some of your listeners might be able

4:13 to relate to. And I had to remember the

4:17 strategies that got me through and really think about how I

4:22 could turn myself around, step into confidence, step into

4:25 visibility and the work that I do today, which is helping

4:28 women, their visibility, your personal brands.

4:31 Yeah, and I didn't mention this today.

4:34 Rachel is an award-winning author, best selling author, and

4:39 a visibility and brand consultant like you've

4:41 mentioned. So I want to try to go back to

4:45 when you were in the midst of everything that's happening.

4:49 I'm sure there were moments that you feel like the world is

4:53 coming to an end. How did that internal dialogue

4:57 look like? It was really claustrophobic

5:03 and. Claustrophobic.

5:04 Yeah, well. Because to give you a bit of

5:09 kind of background, so I was a single mum then for 16 years,

5:14 school fees, paying the bills all by myself, doing all the

5:17 things. And it was scary.

5:20 Like if I didn't show up for work, those bills didn't get

5:23 paid. And I had a little girl to show

5:29 up for and to show her how we, in times of challenge and when

5:36 things are scary and we don't know the way things are going

5:39 and we don't know where we get through it.

5:41 I had a responsibility to show my daughter.

5:44 And this is what we do. We get up, we show up and we do

5:48 the things that you have to do to make ourselves feel better.

5:52 So it was claustrophobic, it was scary sometimes.

5:57 There were a lot of financial struggles and there was feelings

6:01 of loneliness. Am I doing this on my own?

6:03 Am I the only person? I think sometimes as a single

6:06 mum, society can still look down on that.

6:11 And I wasn't always invited to the dinner parties, the school

6:17 parents, I didn't have a massive circle of friends and it was

6:23 lonely. A lot of the times it was really

6:25 lonely. So you go through a pandemic.

6:29 I was used to being on my own, feeling lonely.

6:31 So that actually was a challenge for me.

6:34 It was fine, but it was when we were coming out of it.

6:38 My daughter's a lot older. She's then becoming a lot

6:42 independent. And I'm like, OK, now I need to

6:45 step into my career. What do I want to do?

6:48 But the challenge I had then was I'd lost all my confidence and I

6:52 didn't really feel like I had a voice.

6:55 I felt completely invisible because I didn't have a network

6:59 and I was like, what do I do? Where do I start?

7:02 And that was that was the beginning of what's happened

7:07 recently was I published a book, became award-winning personal

7:10 branding and visibility consultancy and been featured in

7:14 media and things like that. And that's only come from really

7:20 having to go quite deep inside and to find that inner strength,

7:26 to find the courage and belief actually that in midlife what a

7:32 lot of things we can share. We have a lot of wisdom, we have

7:36 a lot of experience. And it's that storytelling that

7:40 starts to get you more visible. Well, so it's quite recent

7:45 actually, very pivotal moment. At what point did you realize it

7:50 reinvention wasn't a failure, but more a sort of growing new

7:55 wings, so to speak? I think I'm still very much

8:00 learning that now. I don't think the actual moment

8:03 of realization for that. The more confident I'm getting,

8:09 the more things I'm achieving. And don't get me wrong, that is

8:12 only happening because I am choosing to show up every day

8:15 and I am doing the scary things. It's only happening through

8:20 doing that. That's kind of the realization

8:22 that I'm having. I'm getting more feedback.

8:24 I'm getting feedback from readers who have read my book,

8:27 people who are starting to follow me online and share

8:31 private messages with me. That's the realization.

8:34 That's where it's and I'm starting to see that a lot of

8:37 women do feel the same when they hit midlife.

8:40 And it kind of creeps up on you as well.

8:42 You don't know it's happening. It just and overnight and then

8:46 one day from my personal experience, I just thought, what

8:51 on earth am I going to do now? I've still got a good 20-30

8:55 years of career left in me and I really want to do something

8:58 purposeful that lights me up inside.

9:02 And yeah, it's the realization has been just through sharing a

9:06 little bit more about my personal story, my personal

9:08 journey, which I would have kept very quiet before, I wouldn't

9:11 have wanted to share that. But I'm learning through the

9:14 personal grinding work that I do that people want that because

9:18 they can relate to you more. They see you as being more

9:21 authentic. And actually, hopefully they see

9:24 my resilience of everything that I've been through showing

9:27 through in the work that I do now and the message that I

9:29 relate to live in. Do you remember at what point

9:34 did you start to start being afraid of sharing your own

9:38 story? Because that is a big courage

9:41 moment. Yes.

9:43 So when I was writing my book, we'd written the sort of

9:48 manuscript, and my publisher said to me, this is really

9:52 great, but do you know what's missing?

9:54 And I was like, no, I don't think I've missed anything.

9:57 She said your personal stories, because I need to bring this

10:00 book a life to life, and it's your personal stories that will

10:05 get readers to resonate with you.

10:09 And I wasn't comfortable with that initially because I didn't

10:11 really understand what she was saying.

10:14 And she said, trust me, You're just going to have to trust me.

10:17 So I did. And I started to weave some of

10:20 those personal stories into the book.

10:22 And as I was writing, I realized I had like the epiphany there

10:27 and then, like, ah, OK, I get it.

10:29 I can tell people the what and the how.

10:33 But unless they know the why and the reasons why I'm saying these

10:38 things through personal experiences, they're not going

10:42 to relate to it. So that was when I started to

10:45 incorporate more of my personal stories and sharing a lot of

10:48 that online because I had to build a following quite quickly

10:53 and the only way I was going to do that was to be showing up

10:56 authentically and sharing a little bit more about my

10:58 personal story. Yeah.

11:00 And in that journey, the going inside, looking back at your

11:06 experience, but I'm sure building confidence is not

11:09 overnight. And a lot of us, we may be

11:13 comparing ourselves with the successful people around us and

11:17 they're successful, like they're confident because they're

11:20 successful. But your lived experience, it's

11:24 sort of what it's sort of the building blocks of you building

11:28 the confidence, right? Absolutely.

11:32 You know, I talk about this a lot.

11:34 Confidence is a habit building exercise.

11:37 You know, I didn't write my book at my most confident person like

11:44 I I wrote the book that I needed to get confident.

11:48 And it's stepping stones, it's habit building.

11:52 It's taking the brave, bold moves one step at a time every

11:56 single day that builds your confidence.

11:58 You don't walk into a networking room when you're first starting

12:02 like I was feeling amazingly confident and knowing and being

12:06 crystal clear on your message and you're there to help and the

12:08 transformation you're there to to deliver.

12:10 You don't know that you have to work your way through and find

12:13 that out. And it's only by taking those

12:16 scary first steps that you slowly start to build those

12:20 habits. I mean, even coming here today

12:22 and being on a podcast a couple of months, three months ago,

12:26 that would, I would have been up all night worrying about it.

12:29 I would have made loads of notes.

12:31 I, I would have prepped to perfection just to make me feel

12:36 confident. But it, it's not, I mean, I

12:39 guess a little bit of preparation is important, but

12:42 it's actually showing up, being real and, and, and taking the

12:46 first steps and, and saying the things.

12:48 And yes, you might fluff your words in the initial stages and

12:52 it might not feel how you wanted it to flow.

12:57 But as time goes on, the more you show up, the brain starts to

13:00 get back into gear and it starts to reassure you and build that

13:04 resilience and that confidence muscle and really quiet down

13:08 your inner critic are able to show up.

13:13 I've heard in a lot of public speaking training, you just have

13:17 to tell yourself something. You just got to almost trick

13:20 yourself into believing you are this, this isn't that.

13:25 What do you think about that strategy?

13:29 I'm a massive advocate for positive affirmations.

13:33 I've used them all of my life and people still think they're a

13:37 little bit woo woo. And that's absolutely fine.

13:39 There is science behind it. It is proven that repeating

13:43 things positively to yourself over and over, even if it's

13:46 silently, has a physiological effect on your body and it makes

13:50 you stronger. And I actually heard something

13:52 the other day where someone said the first thoughts you have in

13:55 the morning, if you force yourself to be positive, you

13:59 will find that your day, things will naturally be drawn to you.

14:03 And so I started a bit of an experiment doing that in the

14:06 last week or so. And my goodness, does that work.

14:08 It really helps just kind of shape your day so you can feel

14:13 more comfortable in what you're doing.

14:15 But I've been a user of affirmations since I had my

14:18 first breakdown and they transformed my life.

14:22 And even when I've got to do this, get everything, I'll

14:24 repeat a couple of my favourites over and over and over and they

14:28 make such a huge difference. And don't get me wrong, I know a

14:33 lot of people say about fake it until you make it.

14:35 And I think there's definitely space for that.

14:37 And that has helped and worked for me.

14:39 But it only gets you to a certain point.

14:42 And then you've got to think, OK, it's not about faking it

14:47 until you make it anymore. It's about showing up as

14:49 yourself and believing in yourself and learning how to

14:52 shut down the inner critic and knowing you're good enough to be

14:57 wherever you are and to say whatever you want to say and to

15:00 do the work that you want to do. You are good enough.

15:02 We have to unravel all of the conditioning that we've put on

15:06 ourselves to be able to start to see that for ourselves.

15:10 Yeah, the just what you tell yourself, it might be being

15:14 accustomed to criticisms from other people growing up, your

15:19 parents, maybe your spouse, your relatives, your work superior.

15:25 I think it is difficult if you grew up or if you're in that

15:30 sort of environment with difficult.

15:33 Yeah, yeah, it's, it's your conditioning to be your biggest

15:38 critic, unravel that. And to try and unravel that can

15:42 be really tricky, but you can do it.

15:46 And there's so many people out there that are doing it.

15:47 And going back to your point around, you know, seeing other

15:50 people showing up and they seem really confident.

15:53 And yes, maybe they are, but they all started somewhere they

15:56 didn't. They didn't show up initially

15:58 like that, or if they did, then they had the best growing up and

16:01 the best conditioning and well done.

16:02 They can be our biggest mentors and teachers and I great, but

16:08 for a lot of us that isn't always the case.

16:12 Did you have any of those devils in your life and how did you

16:16 deal with them? Mine was strong in my early

16:20 career and it we just spoke about this on my challenge this

16:23 morning. I was giving examples of women

16:27 leaders in my earlier career and how toxic they were and how

16:31 actually they they damaged me so much that I wasn't able to work

16:37 in corporate anymore. I had to step out and start my

16:40 own business. I've wisdom and experience and

16:45 life has taught me that they had their own stuff going on, their

16:49 own fears, their own conditioning that made them show

16:52 up in that way. But because they did, they

16:55 massively affected my career and stopped me from working in

17:00 corporate. So they're the things that they

17:05 used to do. Examples of sort of putting me

17:08 down, embarrassing me in front of my colleagues, making me feel

17:12 like I didn't know what I was doing and that I absorbed all of

17:18 that. And that inner critic just got

17:20 louder and louder and louder as I went through my 20s and 30s to

17:24 the point when I hit my 40s and only very recently I started to

17:29 challenge that. I'd be like, no, we are not

17:32 doing this anymore. Step into your confidence

17:35 availability in your midlife when you want to pivot in your

17:38 career or do something differently.

17:40 That the noise can be very loud. And I was, I just said to

17:44 myself, I am not doing this anymore.

17:46 I've got so much to offer. I've got things I want to say

17:49 that might not land with many, but they might land with some.

17:53 And I'm not allowing this voice anymore to take control of what

17:57 I want to do. And I had to learn how to shut

18:00 it down and still get me wrong. I haven't, you know, haven't got

18:04 rid of my imposter syndrome myself that overnight It's.

18:06 I think it's always with you. Yeah, especially in condition

18:10 with it. But it's learning how to not let

18:13 it run the show and not let it control you anymore.

18:17 Yeah, being anxious before before speaking engagement.

18:21 Everyone gets that. But just because you're nervous

18:25 doesn't mean you are an imposter.

18:27 Absolutely. And don't forget that's your

18:31 fight flight. That's the right the right

18:34 place, but it's inherently in US and it's natural and it's

18:37 supposed to be there to keep us safe.

18:40 So those feelings that you have when you are feeling scared or

18:43 nerves not showing up, they're supposed to be there, but

18:46 they're not supposed to stop you from doing what you want to do.

18:49 And it's about balance. It's recognizing that it's there

18:52 and just using it as a way of being able to say, right, I can,

18:59 I know that you're there. I know what you're saying, but I

19:00 know it's not true. And I know I can handle this.

19:02 And one of the best affirmations, if you are feeling

19:04 that way is I can handle it. I can handle it, I can handle

19:07 it. And you just keep saying that

19:09 and all of a sudden you get on that stage and you can handle it

19:14 and you do handle it. And when have we not handled

19:16 anything? That's that, you know, all of

19:18 the things we've done in our lives and our careers, when have

19:21 we not handled it? We might have wobbled, we might

19:24 have not done it to the best of our ability, but we've always

19:27 handled it. So there's the proof.

19:30 So you need to lean into the proof that you have already

19:32 handled it. Yeah, I'd love that you pointed

19:36 out about balance because there is fake it till you make it and

19:40 most a lot of the time maybe it is more fake than making.

19:44 So preparation is definitely important.

19:47 That's how they can learn to. That's how they can develop and

19:50 grow into the even more successful version of

19:52 themselves. Yeah, I have to say preparation

19:56 and organization has definitely helped me as I've gotten older.

20:00 I probably didn't put much value to that when I was younger, but

20:03 now I I do prepare, but I I'm getting better at not perfecting

20:09 that preparation. I mean it's good enough.

20:12 This week is a classic example I've got I'm running my 5 day

20:15 challenge and normally I would make sure my 5 day slide deck is

20:20 done. My 5 day workbooks are all done

20:23 and they're not. I made sure I had my side deck

20:25 done for today, the workbook for today.

20:29 This afternoon I will do my my slide deck and my work for

20:32 tomorrow's challenge. But usually I'd have to have it

20:34 already and I'd tie myself up in knots.

20:37 But I'm, I want to enjoy this process.

20:39 I'm not doing this work that I love to tie myself up in knots

20:42 and feel anxious and it will stop me doing it, not doing that

20:46 anymore. So I'm having to purposely take

20:49 a step back. I'm still being organized.

20:51 I'm still being efficient, but I'm not doing it to

20:54 perfectionism, where it causes me to procrastinate and causes

20:57 me to be so anxious that I don't want to show up.

21:02 On another episode with speaking coach consultant Navan Jaitley,

21:08 he shared something that's really, really interesting to

21:10 me. It's before you're speaking to a

21:14 crowd. If you go from I'm trying to

21:17 impress these people to I'm trying to like provide a service

21:23 for them by sharing what I have to say, it's switches your

21:27 mindset a whole lot and it helps a lot with anxiety.

21:31 Yes, yeah. And also dropping that I want

21:35 them to like me. Yeah, yeah.

21:38 That's a big one for a lot of people, and they might not even

21:41 know that. That's often what it is.

21:43 But needing to be liked is, is also kind of like a reassurance

21:49 that if, if people are liking you, then you know what you talk

21:51 about, you need to understand that you know what you're

21:55 talking about and you'll help people get their own

21:58 transformations. And that's definitely the way I

22:03 show up now in, in whatever I've got to do.

22:05 If I'm on stage or podcasting or doing a challenge or whatever,

22:08 whatever it is I'm doing, it's what's the transformation that

22:11 I'm here to help these people have.

22:15 And that's very much what you're doing today.

22:17 So I understand that you are advocating for women and helping

22:22 them stop playing small. Yes.

22:25 So I want to see how your transformation have progressed

22:30 from playing small. Like we talked a little bit

22:33 about you realizing your story is actually powerful to help you

22:38 build your credibility. How did the playing small to

22:43 like this is time for me to show like?

22:44 How was that internal state of mind?

22:49 How did that change? I think when you see your book

22:51 published and you see it yeah, on in all the in all the

22:56 bookstores, when you get your physical copy and you think, my

23:00 goodness, that's a real achievement, you start to

23:04 believe in yourself again. And I, I wrote that book for me,

23:08 but I also wrote it for my daughter.

23:10 She's 19 years old and has already had challenges around

23:14 confidence, as we all do in our early teens and what have you.

23:19 That's perfectly normal. But I wanted to make sure that

23:22 my work had some legacy to it. And I was watching her grow up

23:27 and the challenges that she's experiencing, remembering how

23:31 that felt. And I realized how important all

23:36 of our lived experience and our stories are to pass on to the

23:43 next generations. And I don't see a lot of people

23:46 doing that at the moment. And that's became really

23:49 important in my work. How do we shape this generation

23:53 so they don't spend their 20s and 30s riddled with anxiety and

23:57 self doubt and lacking in confidence?

24:01 So I wanted my work to be designed around that and, and

24:04 become more of a legacy piece And stepping into that, yes, it

24:10 took courage and belief that my stories actually people would be

24:14 interested in. And everyone, you know, there's

24:17 a lot of people that go through divorce, everyone goes through

24:20 bereavement. These are things that we you

24:22 cannot navigate life without and the, the life's challenges.

24:27 But I think when you have so many of them hit you at the same

24:31 time, they can really knock you off your perch.

24:34 And so it's important that when we do experience these things

24:37 and we and we feel through them and we come out the other side

24:41 eventually that we do share that wisdom with with people because

24:48 the people do relate to it. I completely relate with what

24:53 you said about there are tons millions of people who had a

24:58 divorce. There are millions of people who

25:00 need to go through grieving. But it's your own story and each

25:04 person is different and everyone has something to share from

25:08 their experience. And it's also the exchange like

25:11 listening to others, seeing how that can apply to your own

25:15 situation, and sort of leaning on the network that you're

25:19 slowly building because you mentioned you didn't have a huge

25:22 network. And, you know, stepping into a

25:24 network is really scary because of my experience of I call them

25:30 weak women leaders. And because they led with fear

25:33 and they, they did damage my, my corporate career, having to then

25:39 walk into a room like a women's network, which I'm a part of,

25:44 was I found it really scared. And I, I was literally, I don't

25:48 know, you know, it's women and it, are they going to be

25:50 supportive? Are they going to be kind?

25:52 Because I've had so many experiences where they haven't

25:53 been. Thankfully, luckily where I live

25:56 now, I moved to Scotland a year ago and Scotland has embraced me

26:01 fully and people here are very welcoming, they're very kind,

26:04 they want to support each other, the women in particular.

26:08 So I've purposely put myself in smaller rooms with these women,

26:13 so where there's Oval 15 and where you've really got to

26:17 connect and listen to each other.

26:19 And I was so scared about doing that.

26:21 What would they think about me? Will they like me?

26:23 All the same old conditioning comes out even now and then I

26:28 forced myself to do it. I've taken like the steps each

26:30 time to do it. And my goodness have I made some

26:35 very good friendships and great business opportunities have come

26:40 from it that I've had to learn not to go in there with them.

26:43 Will they like me or they won't like me?

26:45 It's a I'm here to add value. It's whether they take or they

26:50 want to listen to it or not. Yeah, it's 100% like that

26:53 because they are going through the same thing.

26:55 Even if you're very successful. This reminds me of a movie I

26:59 saw. The character doesn't fit into

27:02 the pretty category and but something happened.

27:06 She thought she overnight changing this to this really

27:09 beautiful woman and her confidence changed just because

27:13 of that. And then there's a scene where

27:15 she was talking to someone who is really attractive, but she

27:19 has no confidence. So it's really just that

27:21 internal dialogue and how you view yourself.

27:24 Yes, Yeah, The movie that you mean.

27:27 It's a really good movie. Yeah, it is.

27:31 It's all about the internal dialogue and putting yourself in

27:34 reams that are going to challenge you and, yes, everyone

27:38 else, even though they might not show it, because I think we can

27:41 all be very good at masking and they're all going through the

27:44 same thing. And if you just scratch the

27:46 surface and even I will say sometimes if I'm having a bit of

27:50 a challenging day when my confidence isn't as high, I will

27:54 say I'm really nervous about being here.

27:56 Yeah. I was walking into this room and

27:58 it just takes it all away. And you're like, Oh my gosh,

28:02 yeah, me too. Yeah, so surrounding yourself

28:06 with like minded people. Yeah, maybe I can't relate to

28:11 people in their 20s, but certainly when I'm in a room

28:15 with midlife women, it's like it's refreshing.

28:18 They get. Oh, yeah, finally.

28:19 Yeah, OK, we've got someone that's being real.

28:24 Everyone just wants people to be real in midlife because we

28:26 haven't got time for for the other stuff anymore, you know,

28:30 we just don't have time and we haven't got the energy for it.

28:33 So we're spinning far too many plates and trying to do

28:38 everything. And the more I've lent into my

28:43 authenticity and being more real and not faking it until I make

28:48 it, the more I've connected properly with people and they've

28:54 started to read my book, they've started to work with me, they've

28:59 started to refer me. And that's been the shift that

29:02 I've seen that's that's happened.

29:05 Whereas before I was showing up, you know, tight as a Bob in

29:08 nervous, anxious, make it till I make it.

29:12 People just wrote connecting and nothing came of it and it was a

29:16 complete waste of time. Yeah, and entering this stage of

29:20 life, it's, I know there's like maybe centuries of cultural

29:25 narrative that this is when you start slowing down, but.

29:30 When? So it's very much the opposite

29:35 thing, that's you still have a long way to go.

29:39 Like people in this age group, we still have a long way to go.

29:42 Yes, yeah, yeah. And I think if you're, if you

29:46 have children and they flame the nest or in my case I flew the

29:50 nest, my daughter behind, she was doing her A levels at the

29:54 time. And I very recently met my

29:57 husband and we've done long distance for a year, well two

30:00 years actually. And then it was time for me to

30:05 invest more into this relationship.

30:06 And my daughter was 18 and I said to her, you know, you're in

30:11 the middle of your A levels. I know this is not perfect

30:13 timing, but mum's got to really kick start her career now and

30:18 it's mum's time. And I really need to do this

30:20 money joining out and I have to do something.

30:23 And it's a big step. And I moved from Bournemouth to

30:26 Scotland, which was major, major.

30:28 I felt, Oh my God, the mum, the mum guilt for leaving her was

30:32 horrific. But I knew it was the right step

30:35 to take because she needed to build her own resilience and her

30:38 own independence and not rely on me so much and I needed to kick

30:42 start my career again. But that guilt, you know, it

30:47 still stays with me now. But I know in my heart it's the

30:50 right thing to do. I'm only a plane ride away.

30:53 It is the right thing to do. But I'm still spinning so many

30:58 plates. I am still a mum, I'm also a

31:00 stepmom, I'm a wife, I'm a businesswoman.

31:03 I'm trying to do lots of different things at the same

31:05 time because that's just me and my character and what I do.

31:07 And I think as women we do spin so many plates and it doesn't

31:11 slow down in midlife. If anything, it kind of

31:15 escalates a bit more and then then we have the brain fog, the

31:20 whole name and all of the things which are only just really

31:23 starting to be widely spoken about.

31:26 And certainly in the rooms that I'm I'm in, women are talking

31:30 about it way more. And actually men are

31:32 understanding now that we're not past our time.

31:36 We just might need a little bit more time to do a task or

31:39 whatever. My goodness, will it get done

31:42 and will it get done to the best ability.

31:44 You know, we are at our actual peak in midlife.

31:47 I really believe that the best time to do anything to start

31:52 over, change careers. You might not feel that you can,

31:56 but it is the best time. Yeah, because you already have

32:00 the experience to back it up. So it's sort of like informed

32:05 courage. You're not just bulldozing your

32:08 way through. You're actually intentionally

32:11 choosing certain paths because of your experience.

32:14 You're the people you've met. Yeah.

32:17 So today Rachel is a wonderful coach.

32:21 So I'm definitely going to leave her information if anyone's

32:25 interested or just following her.

32:27 You have really fun video clips on social media.

32:30 Yeah. So before we go into the fun

32:33 part, I want to ask this take away questions for anyone who's

32:38 not quite there yet. So if someone is feeling stuck

32:43 right now, what's 1 practical shift that you would suggest

32:47 them take? The practical shift would be

32:53 take a look at your values, write a list of all the values

32:57 you can think of and or look it up online as loads of things

33:01 online about values and narrow down five to seven values that

33:06 are important to you and look at areas in your life where you're

33:10 not showing up with those values and work out which areas of

33:16 those lives are really important to you right now.

33:18 And just pick one or two and connect the dots.

33:22 Where are you not showing up as your true authentic self?

33:25 Where are you not showing up with these values?

33:28 And start there. And maybe either start

33:32 journaling or start sharing online, whichever you're more

33:34 comfortable with. Or share with a friend or a

33:37 community group or a network that you're in.

33:39 If you're not, start one and find one.

33:42 Do all the things, but start with your values and connect it

33:47 with where you're not showing up and where that fear is, because

33:50 it's all fear at the end of the day.

33:52 And and try and work out if that fear is true.

33:56 Prove it wrong. Thank you, that's great.

34:00 I can already think of so many of my friends and family who can

34:04 use this advice. All right, so let's play rapid

34:09 fire questions. Quick question, quick answer, no

34:13 context. Not much context needed in your

34:15 answer. OK, all right.

34:17 Confidence is built when you stop.

34:20 Can I swear? Yeah, fucking about.

34:24 Yeah, get to the point, right? Yeah.

34:26 All right. I believe you had that you had

34:29 to forget in midlife. That I wasn't good enough.

34:32 Great one one word you used to describe the version of you

34:36 before your biggest reinvention. Scared.

34:40 Visibility feels scary because. It's confronting.

34:46 Something women don't need more of to be successful.

34:50 Something women don't feel more or.

34:52 To be don't need more of, but you don't need to be need.

34:55 More fear. We don't need more people

34:58 telling us we're not good enough.

35:01 Yeah, last one, one sentence you tell your younger self.

35:05 Life gets to be magical when you step outside your comfort zone.

35:10 That's great. Yeah.

35:11 Stepping out of comfort zone, it takes a lot of courage, but you

35:14 don't have to just jump off the Cliff.

35:16 Sometimes it's just taking the leap of faith.

35:18 Like you, you wrote a book and you took the leap of faith of

35:23 throwing in your personal stories.

35:25 And it's a gut feeling. It's an intuition that you're

35:28 ready for more, that you're worthy of more.

35:31 And if you haven't got anything else, just lean into your gut

35:35 feeling and and what that's telling you.

35:38 Yeah, I think that's something because we talked about helping

35:41 the next generation. It's something that we, I want

35:44 to equip the upcoming generation to trust more of our intuition.

35:50 Yes, because nowadays you can search anything.

35:54 It makes people hesitant in thinking or doing something

35:59 without confirming with all these other sources.

36:02 And that's where I feel like confidence is being chipped away

36:05 because the more you search, the more uncertain you are about

36:08 yourself. I need to be doing what these

36:11 people are saying. So yeah, intuition, I think

36:14 that's very important. Because the more, as you say,

36:16 you look for things, you've got more time for the for the doubt

36:19 to creep up. But my gut's instinct has never

36:23 lied to me, ever. Always been right.

36:27 Even when I've tried to prove it wrong, it's always been right.

36:31 OK, well, thank you very much for being here on mine blend

36:35 today, Rachel, really, really great to hear about your

36:38 experience and especially not just oh, I suffer and here I am

36:42 today. But thank you very much for

36:44 sharing more of the in depth emotional side of things.

36:48 I know it may be difficult sometimes.

36:50 Thank you. Now, it's been wonderful to be

36:52 able to come on here and talk with you today, Karen.

36:55 I've really loved it. Thank you.

36:57 Thank you, I enjoyed it very much too.

36:59 I'll leave your information in the show notes.

37:01 Please connect with us. Please do.

37:07 Thanks for listening to this episode of Mind One.

37:09 If you enjoyed the conversation, don't forget to follow and share

37:12 it with anyone who needs to hear it.

37:14 And let's keep the conversation going.

37:16 Connect with me on LinkedIn or leave me a comment.

37:20 Until next time, stay curious, keep exploring, and let's

37:23 continue to blend our minds and discover what's possible.